Julia Grey

The Lies We're Told

~~~

Childhood sexual abuse.

~~~

Upon the Realization of the Death of a rapist

 

The nightmare you were

ended on my terms

before you died

I put you down

like a diseased rat

The good in you

long since bartered

- like your conscience

- like your truth

 

The nightmare you were

Now, an echo

- shattered

upon the ramparts

of my being

The foul remnants stain

what can never be clean

what clothes can’t hide

Let it serve a warning

 

That the nightmare you were

has no audience

This child has grown

to hunt the hunter

to heal the hurt

to shine light

on the ink black

of your poison

...and give no quarter

 

to the nightmare you were.

The Lies We're Told

An abuser's number one tool is deceit. From the lies told and the acts put on to lure in a child, to the stories required - often via threat - to cover it all up, Truth quickly becomes elusive. From the series, "The Lies We're Told", © 2017 Julian Grey. All rights reserved. Techniques: Low Key OST

Elephants

A reference to the expression "the elephant in the room". Families of abuse are great at never addressing the elephants in their midst. From the series, "The Lies We're Told", © 2017 Julian Grey. All rights reserved. Techniques: Low Key OST

Trafficking

From the series, "The Lies We're Told", © 2020 Julia Grey. All rights reserved. Techniques: Low Key OST

Scene of the Crime

It's not about loss of innocence. It's about being force fed the worst of humanity at a time when spirit and brain are still developing. It's about owning that knowledge and having to build a life around never feeling safe and always feeling damaged, used, unwanted. From the series, "The Lies We're Told", © 2017 Julian Grey. All rights reserved. Techniques: Low Key OST

Managing Minefields

Taught at a young age to disbelieve what they see and feel, abused children often grow up with low emotional IQs especially when it comes to sex, intimacy and relationships. It is like trying to navigate a room in near darkness where what is visible is not discernible. From the series, "The Lies We're Told", © 2017 Julian Grey. All rights reserved. Techniques: Low Key OST

The Disposition of Sextus Tarquinius

I was raped at 7 years of age by a 15 year old boy. He lured me into the woods near the neighborhood pool I frequented, where he attacked me. I yelled for help and eventually a few older boys found him on top of me. They beat him severely. I had been traumatized already and seeing this boy beaten so made it worse. I cried out for my rescuers to stop. Perplexed, they did. The rapist fled. From the series, "The Lies We're Told", © 2017 Julian Grey. All rights reserved. Techniques: Low Key OST

Safe Distance

An inability to navigate social/sexual/intimate situations often leads to isolation and depression. From the series, "The Lies We're Told", © 2017 Julian Grey. All rights reserved. Techniques: Low Key OST

Relative Secrecy

The cost of secrecy in families of abuse is paid in depression, handed-down abuse, dysfunctional relations and more - including suicide. From the series, "The Lies We're Told", © 2017 Julian Grey. All rights reserved. Techniques: Standard photograph

Sleep Tight

I was molested/raped/beaten by an older sibling for 3 years, mostly at night and often while sleeping. From the series, "The Lies We're Told", © 2017 Julian Grey. All rights reserved. Techniques: Low Key OST

Stained

Children who have been abused sexually are marked - as if stained - and can be detected by predators more easily. This is a universal truth with every survivor I have spoken to about this. No amount of clothing, emotional buttressing, or attention to facial expression can hide this mark. From the series, "The Lies We're Told", © 2017 Julian Grey. All rights reserved. Techniques: Standard photograph

Faggot

On being in a locker room in junior high school after being called a faggot, for the first time, by one of the girl students. Due to the molestation and rapes - at the hands of older males - I feared she was right. I was terrified the boys in the locker room would find out. From the series, "The Lies We're Told", © 2017 Julian Grey. All rights reserved. Techniques: Low Key OST

Keeping Ghosts at Bay

Never far away are the apparitions of the past. From the series, "The Lies We're Told", © 2017 Julian Grey. All rights reserved. Techniques: Low Key OST

Mirror, Mirror...

What do you do when you look nearly identical to the person who raped and beat you for 3 years? You stay away from mirrors. From the series, "The Lies We're Told", © 2017 Julian Grey. All rights reserved. Techniques: Low Key OST

God's Shepherds

Raped by a priest who, in a premeditated move, positioned his mean-as-hell 95 pound German Shepherd to make sure I couldn't fight it or get away. From the series, "The Lies We're Told", © 2017 Julian Grey. All rights reserved. Techniques: Low Key OST

Damaged

From the series, "The Lies We're Told", © 2017 Julian Grey. All rights reserved. Techniques: Low Key OST

Tall Tales

It wasn't all violence. Much of it was coercion. From the series, "The Lies We're Told", © 2017 Julian Grey. All rights reserved. Techniques: Low Key OST

Aura Borealis

Though I carry the weight of childhood sexual abuse, I am loved and healthy. I am also fortunate to have been born with a strong sense of self love and that has carried and even buoyed me over the years... From the series, "The Lies We're Told", © 2017 Julian Grey. All rights reserved. Techniques: Low Key OST